For the past couple of days, Wren had been acting a bit funky.
When I mean funky I mean… upset and just not a nice and well behaved little girl. Even in her sleep she would fight!
I was getting really annoyed with the attitude and the tantrums and kind of pushed her over to Alex to deal with…. because whatever I was doing wasn’t working. He would do his best to try and calm her down but nothing.
Three days later something inside of me just said “ show her some affection.”
Not that we didn’t show her affection in general but I meant to show her affection…alone.
After Phoenix was born, I know she felt some way about having another baby in the house but we figured she would grow out of it quickly. She’s a very sweet and lovable and everything you would want in a daughter. But sometimes…. she does exactly what a 2 year old is expected to do. And that’s exactly what we were dealing with. We just hadn’t dealt with it enough to fully get it straightened out.
After that last night I said calmly “What’s wrong baby?! Tell mommy why you’re so upset ?”
She mumbled a bit but I had gotten to the sweet little girl I was talking about. I had asked her to come and lay down next to me so that we can cuddle up and she came straight to me!
Once she got a hold of my belly button ( her comfort ever since we got her off the boob ) she finally went to sleep. It was already 3am.
Next day we woke up and I immediately told myself I had to stay happy and positive from the moment she woke up to the moment she fell asleep.
Now… those of you with anxiety know how hard it is to try and be happy. Let alone think happy thoughts! I had to constantly tell myself not to let something small bother me.
When Wren would cry and make messes and do what a toddler does, it always felt like a brick on top of another on my brain. I just felt so… heavy in the head. Does that make sense?
Well, it’s common for me.
I just never gave myself a chance to relax that I just became more and more annoyed.
But I had to tell myself “She’s a kid. She’s going to react if you react. Don’t react! “
Let me tell you how horrible I feel knowing that I have to talk myself into being calm almost everyday.
I sometimes just look at her while she sleeps and play a movie of her and I in my head. I cry every time.
I miss being anxiety free.
I don’t want her to ever have to deal with this.
I had been causing my baby to act up… because of my anxiety.
Being a Mom is HARD.
But I’m human. This is an everyday learning experience and I’m going to get better.
Anyone else feel like this? Have you noticed a change in your kids when you feel off? Let me know in the comments below!