Moms With Anxiety

Anxiety:The Guilt

Photo Found On Google Images

For the past couple of days, Wren had been acting a bit funky.

When I mean funky I mean… upset and just not a nice and well behaved little girl. Even in her sleep she would fight!

I was getting really annoyed with the attitude and the tantrums and kind of pushed her over to Alex to deal with…. because whatever I was doing wasn’t working.  He would do his best to try and calm her down but nothing.

Three days later something inside of me just said “ show her some affection.”

Not that we didn’t show her affection in general but I meant to show her affection…alone.

After Phoenix was born, I know she felt some way about having another baby in the house but we figured she would grow out of it quickly. She’s a very sweet and lovable and everything you would want in a daughter. But sometimes…. she does exactly what a 2 year old is expected to do. And that’s exactly what we were dealing with. We just hadn’t dealt with it enough to fully get it straightened out.

After that last night I said calmly “What’s wrong baby?! Tell mommy why you’re so upset ?

She mumbled a bit but I had gotten to the sweet little girl I was talking about. I had asked her to come and lay down next to me so that we can cuddle up and she came straight to me!

Once she got a hold of my belly button ( her comfort ever since we got her off the boob ) she finally went to sleep. It was already 3am.

Next day we woke up and I immediately told myself I had to stay happy and positive from the moment she woke up to the moment she fell asleep.

Now… those of you with anxiety know how hard it is to try and be happy. Let alone think happy thoughts! I had to constantly tell myself not to let something small bother me.

When Wren would cry and make messes and do what a toddler does, it always felt like a brick on top of another on my brain. I just felt so… heavy in the head. Does that make sense?

Well, it’s common for me.

I just never gave myself a chance to relax that I just became more and more annoyed.

But I had to tell myself “She’s a kid. She’s going to react if you react. Don’t react!

Let me tell you how horrible I feel knowing that I have to talk myself into being calm almost everyday.

I sometimes just look at her while she sleeps and play a movie of her and I in my head. I cry every time.

I miss being anxiety free. 

I don’t want her to ever have to deal with this.

I had been causing my baby to act up… because of my anxiety.

Being a Mom is HARD.

But I’m human. This is an everyday learning experience and I’m going to get better. 

 

Anyone else feel like this? Have you noticed a change in your kids when you feel off? Let me know in the comments below!

 

This Photo Was Taken From Google Images

About Lissette

Hi! My name is Lissette and I am 25 years old. I am a wife to my husband Alex and a mother to my beautiful 3 year old daughter Wren and to my handsome baby boy Phoenix. I made this little sanctuary to share my lifestyle and recipes with you. And if you’re anything like me…being a mom can get pretty messy. So roll up your sleeves and get ready for a ride!
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5 thoughts on “Anxiety:The Guilt

  1. Being a mom is HARD! This is so true. And, it’s important to remember that our short-comings do affect our children. When we can recognize this I think we become better moms. Well said!

  2. Kids totally feed off your mood/energy. I’m actually seeing a therapist for my anxiety, no meds here, and it’s amazing how much that has helped. She gives me all sorts of tips on how to manage it and the thing that works best is just give yourself a timeout. My daughter is 1 and when I feel I just can’t take it anymore, I put her somewhere safe (pack n play or crib) and go to another room to just breathe (I take the monitor with me of course). Even if it’s just for a minute, it helps a lot.

  3. Being a mom is so hard! My husband has PTSD and I can see a correlation in the kids behavior and my husbands behavior. If he is on edge and having a rough week, so don’t the kids. I’m glade you are able to talk to yourself through, and recognize that the two are related, my husband has yet to believe me on this.

  4. I have anxiety as well, and on top of that I feel like I have a lot of empathy so that whatever anyone is feeling I feel it, too. Doesn’t go too well with anxiety. 🙁

  5. Being a mom is so so hard. Hugs to you momma. I do feel that kids have a way of picking up our feelings.. and especially with a 2 year old. My own son just turned 2 and he does mirror my feelings. Some days I am a mess and I rant and scream. Which I am not proud of. But mostly I just let him be. And then I shut off everything else and spend time with him exclusively. No daddy and definitely no gadgets. He is happy again.

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