Moms With Anxiety

Anxiety: The Enemy

Image used from Google Images.
anx·i·e·ty
aNGˈzīədē/
noun
  •  a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Anxiety

The very word that my life revolves around. The word that leaves me questioning my every move and every thought. The word that badgers me. Humiliates me. Infuriates me. BREAKS ME.

Not only do I have to deal with repetitive thoughts of obsessiveness, but it limits me.

Limits me as a mother.

I question myself and my parenting skills…everysingle….day.

Why can’t I just answer my kids without that tone? Why do I get so damn ANGRY for the smallest things? Does my husband understand that I can’t give him a reasonWHY I’m acting this way?

It’s just….because.

 

I used to be peppy, and happy and always doing something goofy. I had inspiration.I had goals. I had a purpose.

But when anxiety came for a visit…I guess it liked it’s stay and signed a lease for what seems like….forever.

Now, I can’t speak up.I struggle with too many noises all at once. I shy away from everything. I can’t give my own opinion without regretting it after.

I never use to be super confident but damn…I miss the little bit that I had.

 

3 years into marriage, my husband knew I needed to see someone. He saw that I wasn’t his girl anymore. I was someone new. Someone…lost.

I had my first-born at the time and all that mattered was her. All I wanted to do was to be a ” cool, calm, and collected” mom. So, I agreed to go to therapy.

Going in I thought to myself…how in the world is someone else going to tell me what is wrong? I’m just talking to a stranger. Everything in this field is after all a hypothesis. This is only for WEAK minded people.I’m NOT weak.

 

She asked me a few questions…you know…to get a feel for my situation at home.

I told her how I don’t live near family but mostly near my husband’s family. How I don’t feel comfortable leaving my house without the car because I feel like someone will probably end up trying to hurt my kids and I. How when I do take the car I do the sign of the cross as a ritual to keep us safe from accidents.

I told her that sometimes I CAN’T BREATHE. 

Like an elephant is always sitting on my chest. How there are times where I just want to scream because my mind is going 100+ mph and the only way it helps to relax is just….to cry.

I cried. I sobbed. I broke down.

 

This wasn’t supposed to happen TO ME. My mother raised me to be a strong and independent woman….so why did it happen when I needed to be the strongest? Why did it happen when I had my daughter?

My kids need me the most and I’m being completely absent-minded at times. Every time I blink, my babies are taller and older….and I can’t focus on it.

It tears me apart.

I mean, why did it worsen? I think I had it for a few years but never like this.

WHY NOW?!

 

She asked me to come in weekly. And of course I agreed.

After a few months…I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t seeing any results.My mind tells me ” If you can’t get better within a few visits then you’ll never get better.”or” Maybe you aren’t sick”.

But…here I am.

 

Anxiety

The very  word that my life revolves around.

The word that leaves me questioning my every move and every thought.

The word that badgers me.

Humiliates me.

Infuriates me.

BREAKS ME.

The word…that defines me.

-Lissette

Do you know guys suffer from any anxiety or PPD?  How are you handling it? Have any resources to share with anyone that suffers from it? Comment down below and share this with others. Feel free to email me or start a thread.

 

this image was found on Google Images

About Lissette

Hi! My name is Lissette and I am 25 years old. I am a wife to my husband Alex and a mother to my beautiful 3 year old daughter Wren and to my handsome baby boy Phoenix. I made this little sanctuary to share my lifestyle and recipes with you. And if you’re anything like me…being a mom can get pretty messy. So roll up your sleeves and get ready for a ride!
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15 thoughts on “Anxiety: The Enemy

  1. I suffered post partum depression after my birth for my firdt baby. And missing my family gives me hard time being in an overseas country away. I am with you. Praying for you. Bless you.

  2. Anxiety is so hard. And I totally agree with you – I had it all together until I had kids. They really do bring out some interesting emotions in us. But I’m glad you shed light on this, it is so real and so common for many of us.

  3. I am currently battling PPA. I was such a confident mother and women before. But then I had my 4th and that all changed. It’s debilitating. It affects every aspect of my life. I’m not sure I will ever go back to the confident women I once knew, but I’ll keep fighting to take control of my life again.

  4. I feel for you mama, and you certainly ar don’t alone. I applaud you for being so open with complete strangers about this struggle. It is inspiring! I also struggle with anxiety, for many years now, and sometimes it seems it is all but gone while other times it is intensely crippling. The most important part is to find what works to help you cope through it. I lean on my husband a lot for that and he is truly the only one who fully understands my struggle. I wish you all the best! Xoxo http://www.ellahathome.com

  5. Anxiety is a horrible thing to deal with alone. I have found that changing my diet to Keto has helped a lot with it and with my PCOS. Also having an outlet to vent without judgment is good too. Glad you were able to get help and are feeling somewhat better.

  6. Hi there. I’ve recovered from PPD and PPA. I know that the feelings can get really strong and overpowering. Keep going with therapy and practice your coping skills. I promise you that this a temporary moment in your life. It will get better and you will get stronger. Please feel free to reach out if you need to hear from a fellow PPD / PPA mom. Light and love your way.

  7. I love you for writing this! I’ve been struggling as well and finally got on anti anxiety meds last week and take some natural stuff to help with sleep.. I hear ya mama.

  8. I absolutely know what you mean! I have had anxiety since probably high school, brought on by the fact that my mom was always finding something wrong with everything I did. (I might have a few unresolved mommy issues). It is so consuming to have anxiety, and can be even more of a struggle when there isn’t anyone around that knows what it is like. I pick fights with my husband, I question if I am good at doing things, and for the longest time I had no motivation to do anything. I am glad you got some help! Great article by the way.

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